Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
