One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
