you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
