Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
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