Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
