he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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