Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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