I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
