Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
