Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
