You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
