So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
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