Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Randomize
