You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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