thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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