It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
