I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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