You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
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Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
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I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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