this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I'm at about main and main street
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
