she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
