Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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