they need to just BURY HIM!
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
