mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
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