i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
