why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
