I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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