You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
