I puked a lego.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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