i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
True but thats because hes a fetus.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Randomize
