im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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