I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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