I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
im on a boat
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