I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
