I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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