I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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