i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
