do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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