so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
