I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
