Got a toothbrush?
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
