drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
