I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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