You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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