Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
love makes seman taste better
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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