Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
