So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
