Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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