Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
