youre lurking in front of me
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
