I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
