He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
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These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
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I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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