yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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