After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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