I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
