Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
