I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Woke up backwards on a recliner
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
