Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
