At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
