Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
