The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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