apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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