It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
nutella sex= disaster
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
